Month: September 2019

Dating A Domestic Abuse Survivor: What You Should Know – Part 1

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You may have heard that pretty lass who had been kept inside the house for too many years is now available and on the market. You may have also heard she has been through lots of abuse, of possibly different kinds, and you look to be her Prince Charming; the man to defeat all those fears for her.

According to Toby D. Goldsmith, MD, “While abuse can happen to anyone, women are by far the most frequent victims and men are the most frequent abusers. The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that 95 percent of the assaults on partners or spouses is committed by men against women.”

But how do you deal with such girls who had been through so much, sensibly? Such women have to deal with a swirling mass of destructive aspects such as anxiety, feelings of unworthiness, PTSD, depression, and many more, depending on the severity and the length of the abuse she suffered. The culprit may have been long gone from her life, but the scars, physical and otherwise, may still be evident. How do you deal with all of this, you may ask?

Finish reading “Dating A Domestic Abuse Survivor: What You Should Know – Part 1”

Helping Children Who Are Abused And Neglected – Part 2

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What You Should Look For

An emotionally abused child tends to be very afraid or anxious about doing something wrong. They are also usually either very aggressive or very passive. And they are not close to their parent or guardian.

Victims of physical abuse usually have frequent and unexplained injuries or wounds. They are also hyper-aware of their surroundings, and they tend to flinch at the sudden movements of other people. They are usually afraid to go home. And they regularly wear clothing that hides the physical marks.

Neglected children are usually unsupervised and may be found playing in unsafe locations. They often do not bathe and wear soiled clothing. They are typically late or absent from school.

According to Leon F Seltzer, PhD, “In several respects, neglect can be more difficult to spot than abuse. If a child is being denied love, affection, or comfort by their caregivers, it’s not as though he or she wears a placard signaling this void. More often than not, neglect isn’t as public, direct, or blatant as abuse. So it usually appears less blameworthy.”

Children who are victims of sexual abuse would exhibit knowledge of sexual acts or seductive behavior that children their age do not usually know. They would avoid at all costs a specific person. They typically are very shy about changing clothes in front of other people. They might have trouble walking or sitting. And if the abuser is a family member, they would run away from home. A pregnant child or a child with STD is usually a victim of sexual abuse.

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Who Are At Risk?

Children living in a home with domestic violence are at a high risk of being abused and neglected. Children whose parents are alcoholics or drug addicts are also in great danger of being abused. Parents with mental health conditions such as bipolar disorder or depression may neglect their children. Some parents do not have proper parenting skills, and this could lead to an abusive situation for their children. And some parents were abused when they were young who think that the abusive behavior they experienced is the only way of being a parent. And parents who are stressed out may be unable to emotionally and physically care for their children.

Are You Abusive?

When the abuser is yourself, it is challenging to recognize the fact that you are abusing and neglecting your children. One sign that you’re abusive is if you find that your anger is spiraling out of control and you’re angrier and angrier at your children. You may also be neglecting your child if you find that you do not want to spend time with your child. Another sign that you are neglecting your child is if you are unable to meet your child’s daily needs. And you should listen when someone expresses their concern to you.

Freeing Yourself From The Cycle Of Abuse

First of all, you should understand what normal childhood behavior is. For example, it is normal for a newborn baby to cry. You could learn new parenting skills from parenting classes, from books, and from other parents. You should also learn to control your emotions. You should try to remain healthy and get enough sleep so that you won’t be irritable. And it is also advisable to seek professional help, especially if breaking the cycle of abuse is difficult.

What You Can Do

“For a child, feeling numb is a defense, used to cope with dysfunctional dynamics at home. Going emotionally numb helps to screen out the yelling, hurtful comments, scenes of domestic violence, abuse, and/or manage the experiences associated with poverty,” said Teresa Gil, PhD.

When dealing with an abused or neglected child be calm and supportive. Do not show disgust or shock at what they say. And do not interrogate them or ask leading questions. Allow the child to tell their story in their own words. Make sure to remind the child that they did nothing wrong. And if you believe that you or the child is in danger, contact the appropriate authorities.

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Do Not Remain Silent

You mustn’t remain silent if you think a child is being abused or neglected. Some people may feel that what is happening is a private family matter. That thinking is wrong. Some people may worry that the child will be separated from their home. This does not always happen. And you need not worry about the abuser knowing who you are because reporting abuse and neglect are anonymous.

Susanne Babbel, MFT, PhD, wrote, “Community support is a vital tool in preventing child abuse and the PTSD that can result from it. If you suspect that you or a loved one is suffering from child abuse, please report it to your local Child Protection Services — or the police, if a child is in immediate danger.”

Helping Children Who Are Abused And Neglected – Part 1

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How can you tell if a child is being abused or is neglected? Know the warning signs and help a child in need.

Child Abuse And Neglect: What Is It?

It is not limited to physical or violent abuse. It can be sexual or emotional. It can also take the form of neglect. Because these forms of violence do not leave any visible marks, people tend to not help in these situations.

It is not true that only evil individuals abuse children. Some parents do not even know they’re abusive. They were probably abused as children themselves by their parents and think that is the proper way a parent should act. Others may be suffering from mental or emotional disorders or are abusive when under the influence of alcohol or illegal drugs.

“Trauma for these children wasn’t a single-incident trauma; they had experienced multiple traumas that had been ongoing their entire lives,” wrote Deborah Chelette-Wilson, LPC, NCC. “They come from families of intergenerational abuse, alcoholism, drug addiction, neglect, physical and sexual abuse, frequent moves, absent fathers, mothers who were depressed or had to work two or three jobs, poverty, and emotionally-absent caregivers.”

It is also not true that abusive behavior can only be found among low-income families or neighborhoods. Children of different racial, economic, and cultural backgrounds can be abused and neglected.

Unfortunately, most abusers are the child’s relatives or someone close to the child, although sometimes the abuser is someone the child does not know.

Leon F Seltzer, PhD, added, “Although child neglect embodies many variations, all pertain to caretakers’ failing to provide a child with age-appropriate care. In short, the child is deprived of the basic necessities that would enable them to thrive.”

Fortunately, many abused children survive their ordeal and grow up to become excellent, nurturing, and protective parents. Sadly, some abused children fall into a vicious cycle and unknowingly abuse their children.

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What Happens to an Abused And Neglected Child?

Abused kids tend to not trust other people or not know who to trust. As they grow older, they are unable to maintain a relationship or continually enter unhealthy relationships.

Abused children tend to feel worthless. As adults, they do not strive for success, believing they do not deserve such fortune. Victims of sexual abuse usually suffer under the impression that they are damaged.

Victims of abuse tend to bottle up their emotions, and this often results in feelings of anxiety, depression, and anger. They may even try to drown their feelings using alcoholic drinks or illegal drugs.

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What Are the Different Kinds of Child Abuse?

There different types of child abuse. A prevalent type is child neglect. In this type, the child is not given basic needs, such as food and clothing, or is not adequately supervised.

Another type of child abuse is physical abuse. It involves physically harming the child. Some parents who physically abuse their children claim that they are merely disciplining their child. Discipline can be distinguished from physical abuse by the presence in physical mistreatment of unpredictability (the child does not know what actions will lead to a physical attack), anger, and the use of fear.

Emotional abuse involves the use of hurtful words to humiliate and bully the child. It can also include ignoring the child or not showing any affection.

There is also emotional neglect. According to Jonice Webb, PhD, “Because Childhood Emotional Neglect is so very common, so are emotionally neglectful parents. And since emotionally neglectful parents are so common, so are emotionally neglected children. It’s because these children grow up to be parents. The cycle continues, and on and on it goes, passing down through generations until someone finally sees what’s happening and calls a halt to its insidious process.”

Children can also be sexually abused. It should be noted that sexual abuse can happen even when there is no physical contact. Making a child watch sexual situations or view pornographic materials are forms of sexual abuse.

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There will be more concerns and issues to be discussed on next week’s blog about children who were abused or neglected.

Until then, thank you!