Confronting your teens about pornography is as hard as talking about where babies come from or how they are conceived. With the massive availability of online adult content coupled with the fact that teenagers, mostly those who are between the ages of 12 until 18, are intensely curious, parents are eventually bound to have the dreadful and uncomfortable “porn talk” with their kids.
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The first part of this blog is about Validation and Listening to domestic abuse survivors. This last part will discuss on triggers, boundaries, and response.
You may have heard that pretty lass who had been kept inside the house for too many years is now available and on the market. You may have also heard she has been through lots of abuse, of possibly different kinds, and you look to be her Prince Charming; the man to defeat all those fears for her.
According to Toby D. Goldsmith, MD, “While abuse can happen to anyone, women are by far the most frequent victims and men are the most frequent abusers. The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that 95 percent of the assaults on partners or spouses is committed by men against women.”
But how do you deal with such girls who had been through so much, sensibly? Such women have to deal with a swirling mass of destructive aspects such as anxiety, feelings of unworthiness, PTSD, depression, and many more, depending on the severity and the length of the abuse she suffered. The culprit may have been long gone from her life, but the scars, physical and otherwise, may still be evident. How do you deal with all of this, you may ask?
What You Should Look For
An emotionally abused child tends to be very afraid or anxious about doing something wrong. They are also usually either very aggressive or very passive. And they are not close to their parent or guardian.
Victims of physical abuse usually have frequent and unexplained injuries or wounds. They are also hyper-aware of their surroundings, and they tend to flinch at the sudden movements of other people. They are usually afraid to go home. And they regularly wear clothing that hides the physical marks.
Neglected children are usually unsupervised and may be found playing in unsafe locations. They often do not bathe and wear soiled clothing. They are typically late or absent from school.
According to Leon F Seltzer, PhD, “In several respects, neglect can be more difficult to spot than abuse. If a child is being denied love, affection, or comfort by their caregivers, it’s not as though he or she wears a placard signaling this void. More often than not, neglect isn’t as public, direct, or blatant as abuse. So it usually appears less blameworthy.”
Children who are victims of sexual abuse would exhibit knowledge of sexual acts or seductive behavior that children their age do not usually know. They would avoid at all costs a specific person. They typically are very shy about changing clothes in front of other people. They might have trouble walking or sitting. And if the abuser is a family member, they would run away from home. A pregnant child or a child with STD is usually a victim of sexual abuse.
Who Are At Risk?
Children living in a home with domestic violence are at a high risk of being abused and neglected. Children whose parents are alcoholics or drug addicts are also in great danger of being abused. Parents with mental health conditions such as bipolar disorder or depression may neglect their children. Some parents do not have proper parenting skills, and this could lead to an abusive situation for their children. And some parents were abused when they were young who think that the abusive behavior they experienced is the only way of being a parent. And parents who are stressed out may be unable to emotionally and physically care for their children.
Are You Abusive?
When the abuser is yourself, it is challenging to recognize the fact that you are abusing and neglecting your children. One sign that you’re abusive is if you find that your anger is spiraling out of control and you’re angrier and angrier at your children. You may also be neglecting your child if you find that you do not want to spend time with your child. Another sign that you are neglecting your child is if you are unable to meet your child’s daily needs. And you should listen when someone expresses their concern to you.
Freeing Yourself From The Cycle Of Abuse
First of all, you should understand what normal childhood behavior is. For example, it is normal for a newborn baby to cry. You could learn new parenting skills from parenting classes, from books, and from other parents. You should also learn to control your emotions. You should try to remain healthy and get enough sleep so that you won’t be irritable. And it is also advisable to seek professional help, especially if breaking the cycle of abuse is difficult.
What You Can Do
“For a child, feeling numb is a defense, used to cope with dysfunctional dynamics at home. Going emotionally numb helps to screen out the yelling, hurtful comments, scenes of domestic violence, abuse, and/or manage the experiences associated with poverty,” said Teresa Gil, PhD.
When dealing with an abused or neglected child be calm and supportive. Do not show disgust or shock at what they say. And do not interrogate them or ask leading questions. Allow the child to tell their story in their own words. Make sure to remind the child that they did nothing wrong. And if you believe that you or the child is in danger, contact the appropriate authorities.
Do Not Remain Silent
You mustn’t remain silent if you think a child is being abused or neglected. Some people may feel that what is happening is a private family matter. That thinking is wrong. Some people may worry that the child will be separated from their home. This does not always happen. And you need not worry about the abuser knowing who you are because reporting abuse and neglect are anonymous.
Susanne Babbel, MFT, PhD, wrote, “Community support is a vital tool in preventing child abuse and the PTSD that can result from it. If you suspect that you or a loved one is suffering from child abuse, please report it to your local Child Protection Services — or the police, if a child is in immediate danger.”
How can you tell if a child is being abused or is neglected? Know the warning signs and help a child in need.
Child Abuse And Neglect: What Is It?
It is not limited to physical or violent abuse. It can be sexual or emotional. It can also take the form of neglect. Because these forms of violence do not leave any visible marks, people tend to not help in these situations.
It is not true that only evil individuals abuse children. Some parents do not even know they’re abusive. They were probably abused as children themselves by their parents and think that is the proper way a parent should act. Others may be suffering from mental or emotional disorders or are abusive when under the influence of alcohol or illegal drugs.
“Trauma for these children wasn’t a single-incident trauma; they had experienced multiple traumas that had been ongoing their entire lives,” wrote Deborah Chelette-Wilson, LPC, NCC. “They come from families of intergenerational abuse, alcoholism, drug addiction, neglect, physical and sexual abuse, frequent moves, absent fathers, mothers who were depressed or had to work two or three jobs, poverty, and emotionally-absent caregivers.”
It is also not true that abusive behavior can only be found among low-income families or neighborhoods. Children of different racial, economic, and cultural backgrounds can be abused and neglected.
Unfortunately, most abusers are the child’s relatives or someone close to the child, although sometimes the abuser is someone the child does not know.
Leon F Seltzer, PhD, added, “Although child neglect embodies many variations, all pertain to caretakers’ failing to provide a child with age-appropriate care. In short, the child is deprived of the basic necessities that would enable them to thrive.”
Fortunately, many abused children survive their ordeal and grow up to become excellent, nurturing, and protective parents. Sadly, some abused children fall into a vicious cycle and unknowingly abuse their children.
What Happens to an Abused And Neglected Child?
Abused kids tend to not trust other people or not know who to trust. As they grow older, they are unable to maintain a relationship or continually enter unhealthy relationships.
Abused children tend to feel worthless. As adults, they do not strive for success, believing they do not deserve such fortune. Victims of sexual abuse usually suffer under the impression that they are damaged.
Victims of abuse tend to bottle up their emotions, and this often results in feelings of anxiety, depression, and anger. They may even try to drown their feelings using alcoholic drinks or illegal drugs.
What Are the Different Kinds of Child Abuse?
There different types of child abuse. A prevalent type is child neglect. In this type, the child is not given basic needs, such as food and clothing, or is not adequately supervised.
Another type of child abuse is physical abuse. It involves physically harming the child. Some parents who physically abuse their children claim that they are merely disciplining their child. Discipline can be distinguished from physical abuse by the presence in physical mistreatment of unpredictability (the child does not know what actions will lead to a physical attack), anger, and the use of fear.
Emotional abuse involves the use of hurtful words to humiliate and bully the child. It can also include ignoring the child or not showing any affection.
There is also emotional neglect. According to Jonice Webb, PhD, “Because Childhood Emotional Neglect is so very common, so are emotionally neglectful parents. And since emotionally neglectful parents are so common, so are emotionally neglected children. It’s because these children grow up to be parents. The cycle continues, and on and on it goes, passing down through generations until someone finally sees what’s happening and calls a halt to its insidious process.”
Children can also be sexually abused. It should be noted that sexual abuse can happen even when there is no physical contact. Making a child watch sexual situations or view pornographic materials are forms of sexual abuse.
There will be more concerns and issues to be discussed on next week’s blog about children who were abused or neglected.
Until then, thank you!
Has your teenage kid been getting in or causing trouble more often these days, to the point that you don’t whether you should meet a therapist or your child?
It is hard to claim that I know the feeling because my babies are far from being teenagers, but I am aware that my parents have had the same experience. Yes, courtesy of my brother and me when we were much younger. I am personally not proud of the fact that most of my mom and dad’s premature wrinkles have come from always worrying whenever the two of us are out. However, we have changed since then, you know. We have decided to straighten out our acts and be more responsible as two kids who will become adults and parents someday.
That decision has come after a common friend has introduced us to longboarding. Although it is not as popular as skateboarding, I have always loved how both of my feet can be on the board without my toes or heels hanging out of it. It feels more stable than the regular board as well, which makes it easy to use even for beginners.
In case you want your kids to learn longboarding and make them want to get out of trouble as well, here are the three all-time favorite longboards you should check out.
Quest Super Cruiser Artisan Bamboo Longboard Skateboard (44-Inch)
For the past four months that my brother has been using the Quest Super Cruiser Artisan Bamboo Longboard Skateboard, I can say with utmost confidence that every single thing about this longboard is undoubtedly and irrevocably cool.
The abstract lines attached to it and the single letter Q make it so different from other boards. Its deck has the strength of maple and the flexibility of bamboo. The trucks, which are made out of aluminum, are quite rugged. They are well-working for rocky terrains. The wheels are high-quality polyurethane wheels, and they get dirty, but they almost do not get any scratch.
Deck: 44 inches by 10 inches by 5.5 inches
Wood for Deck: Multi-ply Hardwood Maple and Artisan Bamboo
Design for Deck: Original Abstract Graphics
Trucks: 7 inches, Rugged Aluminum Trucks
Wheels: 70 mm, Durable PU Wheels
Atom Pintail Longboard
Going down the steep slopes in my area is my favorite pastime, and the best way for me to be able to do it is by riding my Atom Pintail Longboard every chance that I get.
What person in his or her right mind will not think of using the Atom Pintail Longboard when it has a summery feel to it? Besides, there is no need to worry about wheel bites because this is a pintail skateboard. Meaning, it is specifically created to avoid such things.
Its bearings are just perfect for someone who likes speedy rides. Its aluminum trucks can be ridden on rainy days, and the black grip tape that is made out of aluminum oxide can cover the whole top of it. This is the reason why leaning forward to gather more speed is not a big problem at all
The wheels are very efficient that the bumps and potholes do not pose a challenge for me.
Deck: 39 inches by 9.4 inches
Weight for Deck: 4 pounds
Wood for Deck: Stiff Maple Laminate Deck
Design for Deck: PHT Graphic Material
Shape: Classical Pintail
Grip: 80 Grit Aluminum Oxide Grip Tape
Trucks: Standard Skate, Polished Aluminum Trucks
Bearings: 22 mm, ABEC 5 Bearings
Wheels: 65 mm/ 78A Urethane Wheels
Total Weight of the Longboard: 7.3 pounds
Hanger: Die Cast Aluminum Hanger
Axle: 8.5 inches, Base Chromoly Axle
Kingpins: 0.375-inch Chromoly Kingpins
Hubs: Polycarbonate Hubs
Sector 9 Peru 44″ Bamboo Complete Longboard
Downhill riding is what makes my blood boil in the right way, but I also know the risks that I will have to face if I do not make use an excellent and durable longboard for it. I am on that state of mind when my brother suggested to look for the kind of longboard that I want. To be honest, up to now, I am still thanking him for reminding me to visit an online store to find it. If not for it, I may not have a Sector 9 Peru 44” Bamboo Complete Longboard resting on my bedside table now.
The whole deck looks superb because the primary graphic at the bottom of the deck that says “Sector 9” is mimicked at the top part in a smaller size. Because it is fully made out of bamboo, it is very flexible and somewhat lighter than the others.
With my other boards, I always have to be cautious as there is no means for me to control its speed, but with this longboard that has a slightly cambered deck, I only have to move my body on either left or right to be able to control or maintain the speed that I am going at while I am riding down a terrain.
The shock pads are working perfectly that I feel almost nothing even when there are nasty bumps on my way. The soft, big wheels help me to be able to achieve a smooth ride too.
Deck: 44 inches by 9.75 inches
Wood for Deck: 7-ply Vertically Laminated Bamboo
Design for Deck: Aesthetic Graphics
Style of Deck: Slightly Cambered
Grip: Clear Grip Tape
Bearings: PDP ABEC 5 Bearings
Pads: 0.5-inch Sector 9 Recycled Plastic Shock Pads
Trucks: 10 inches, Silver Gullwing Chargers Trucks
Wheels: 75 mm/ 75A, Red Top Shelf Wheels
Center Set Wheels
Don’t wait forever before you introduce your kids to longboarding. Cheers!
It’s quite common for one to forget to care for their mental health and take a break when all the pressures of college life weigh down on you. Entering university can be quite a vast array of emotions all rolled up into one. There are new experiences, temptations, and crucial decisions all laid out for you to go through; and all that can be a bit much. Psychology studies and evidence mention the mental health crisis today in thousands of college students.
Just as Gregg Henriques, Ph.D. says, “the college student mental health crisis refers to the massive increase in treatment-seeking in college students. Whereas perhaps 10% were self-identified and seeking treatment in the 1980s, now approximately 33% are. This massive rise is likely a function of both more accepting attitudes about reporting distress and seeking and receiving treatment, and actual increases in stress, anxiety, and depression and other related problems.”
This particular time in a young adult’s life is more likely to experience a significant amount of stress, anxiety, and depression. “A 2013 survey of college students found that 57% of women and 40% of men reported experiencing episodes of “overwhelming anxiety” in the past year, and 33% of women and 27% of men reported a period in the last year of feeling so depressed it was difficult to function. “
The situation is not improving, according to Ben Locke, Ph.D., “those who have worked in counseling centers for the last decade have been consistently ringing a bell saying something is wrong, things are getting worse with regard to college student mental health.”
It’s really important to make sure you pay attention to how you feel and what you need when you feel down, when things are overwhelming, and when you think you need a break. Sometimes it’s hard for the youth to admit when they’re not doing okay, or when you need help, and that’s completely normal.
When things get rough during such a time, it’s way too easy to give into peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, and other vices, but this shouldn’t be how you address your needs. The same goes for completely ignoring and masking your mental health issues; this makes it worse. What you have to do is focus on letting it out positively, telling someone, and knowing and caring for yourself enough to want to change for the better.
Do not isolate yourself from your friends or loved ones. It may seem more natural to think that you don’t want to burden them with your struggles, but going through it alone is not going to make it any better. Whether it may be one friend or a bunch, you have to keep interacting and telling people how you are, ask for advice, and make sure you open up to people you can trust.
Take Care Of Your Body
Taking care of your body can help you feel better mentally, as well. Most of the time, college students turn to alcohol and smoking, but you should avoid it. Always make sure to eat healthy meals and avoid harmful substances that can further damage your mental state. Enough Sleep and Light exercise now and then can also help decrease negative moods and help clear your mind.
Learn To Value Yourself
Always remember to put yourself first, to treat yourself with respect, and to avoid bringing yourself down. Make sure to reserve some time for yourself to do things that make you happy. It’s always okay to cut yourself some slack and remind yourself that you’ve tried your best. Give yourself time to grow, learn, and improve with all the experiences you go through every day.
Surround Yourself With The Right People
You have to be able to distinguish which people are right for your well being, and let go of the toxic ones. Make sure to avoid people who influence you in a negative way or people who only use you for their benefit. It’s essential to have yourself surrounded with people who check on you, who care for your well being and genuinely enjoy having you around. It’s also good to have those who motivate you to do better academically, socially, and professionally.
Seek Professional Help
Seeking professional help is never a sign of weakness; it’s a display of self-awareness and self-value. Some so many people can help you and who can guide you towards an even brighter future. If you believe you need to talk to someone with experience with how you feel its best, you get it as soon as possible. Sometimes advice from friends and family isn’t enough, and you need something different, and that’s completely okay.
Mental health is essential no matter what part of your life you’re going through, but it’s always a good move to address it as early as possible. With all the pressure young adults go through nowadays with social media and modern society counting on them to be a certain way, it becomes challenging to find time for one’s self and to care for your mental health sincerely. Never neglect your emotions and how you feel towards certain things, it’s important to remember that what you think is valid, that YOU are legitimate, and when you think you can’t handle situations on your own, there is always someone who can help. According to Deborah Serani, PsyD, “The reason more don’t go for psychotherapy or medication is stigma. They worry they’ll be labeled, deemed undesirable, and other such things. Misinformation about mental illness shames and discriminates those suffering from depression from getting professional help.”
Art and literature have been shown to benefit one’s mental health. A majority of the community say that art is a useful avenue for expression. Meanwhile, others comment that reading literature helps in re-evaluating beliefs and emotions as well as learning techniques to handle mental health. Finish reading “How Art And Literature Improve Mental Health”
The family is the first pillar of support where we get help with our everyday struggle. They are the ones responsible for keeping our emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being intact. Each member of the unit is our source of reference; the first persons we turn to when we experience challenges in our lives. Since they are essential in our growth and development, it is a priority to strengthen family support.
“This idea of feeling connected becomes very reinforcing, to all of us, and it contributes to happiness, it contributes to mental health and it does contribute also to physical health,” says psychologist John Northman, PhD.
The Usual Scenario Of Family Relationship
Every family experiences challenge and struggle with different types of relationships. Not everyone agrees on the same opinion, and not all members of the unit are responsible enough to acknowledge their mistakes. There are times when we encounter misunderstandings and conflict. Those are the usual things that happen inside the family. But what’s sad is when decisions brought about by our weaknesses become a reason not to view our family as someone vital for our recovery. That instead of opening up our emotional problems to them, we choose to be with friends and strangers. We assume that other individuals are more capable of protecting us, helping us, and loving us unconditionally. With that, we do not find ways to connect and reconnect with our family. The particular action limits the chance of the family in knowing significant changes in the unit because there’s no open and honest discussion about what challenges and issues we are going through.
The dilemma with society nowadays is that they no longer believe that a family is capable of helping each of its members. What is worse is that most of them feel that it is entirely the number one cause of detrimental ordeals. Since there are tons of issues that arise every day such as neglect, abuse, and abandonment, most people don’t see the significance of the family’s support anymore. They think that a person’s development is only attached to social connection and that his overall growth merely depends solely on the environment. But that is not true. Since every individual starts their lives with their families, they will remain the most significant contributors to an individual’s emotional, spiritual, behavioral, and mental health.
Changing The Habit Of Getting Closer
Every family has the same goal. That is to become healthy emotionally and mentally and make sure that the members of the unit grow and develop as sell- sufficient individuals. The focus of strengthening family support is to allow everyone in the family to become responsible for taking care of themselves so they can serve others as well. Because when families stick with each other, it allows the community to develop too. The unit is far more significant than just a group of people living in a household because they are different individuals who care, love, understand, and support each other no matter what.
So instead of us not talking and sharing our problems with our family, we should acknowledge the importance of opening up things that confuse and bothers us. We have to exert an effort in spending time with them and knowing everything about them. It’s not only for the benefit of getting useful information that will strengthen the relationship, but for the advantage of gaining respect, knowledge, and self-worth too. What we learn from our family’s values and disciplinary actions helps us to grow in life. That is because there’s honesty, kindness, and self-confidence. Their support becomes the foundation of our maturity.
Robyn Fivush, PhD, emphasizes the importance of eating with your family. She wrote, “[T]here is a lot of evidence that eating a meal together has positive benefits for children. The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse finds that families that eat dinner together have children and adolescents that are less likely to engage in risky behaviors, including smoking, drugs and sex, and more likely to engage on prosocial behavior, including attending school and getting good grades.”
It’s important to reach out to your children, but you should also remember not to demand them to communicate with you. Arthur Bodin, PhD, tells parents, “You recognize they have a life of their own. You don’t try to micromanage them there.”
Acknowledging The Family’s Worth And Influence
Family support is crucial especially in times when we don’t understand the things around us. We have to admit, we can’t survive alone in this world and that we need essential people to look out for us, give us hope, and become our strength. We wouldn’t be who we are without the support of our family. So instead of complaining and looking at our differences, we need to recognize the right sides of each other. Everyone will not agree on one thing, but that’s okay. It will teach us to have a better understanding of how each of us thinks and responds to what’s currently around us. Nothing can give us a complete emotional and mental safety other than our family.
Friends and special someone can have a choice to stick with us. But our family will never have second thoughts of doing so.
A lot of things can get in between family members, which is why it is essential for everyone to learn the different ways on how to handle a situation. One of the possible problems that may arise in a parent-child relationship is a misunderstanding between the two parties. There is a high possibility or chance that the child may start to rebel against his mother and father the moment he starts to feel that no one is around to care for him. At the same time, it can also lead to some serious problems such as early marriage, dropping out of college or even teenage pregnancy or fatherhood.
In this article, our primary focus is discussing the proper methods on how to assist and help troubled kids. The first crucial thing that you need to understand is the fact that the way your child acts is affected by several circumstances. For this reason, it is significant on your part to determine the factors that could have given a bad influence over your teen. Below are some of the things that you need to keep in mind all the time:
Always Communicate Efficiently
Remember that communication includes listening and talking. Make sure that you let your beloved child know that you are always there for him no matter what happens. Make him feel that he can open up to you anytime so that he will not have a hard time dealing with his issues. In this modern day, it can be difficult on the part of the teens to connect with their elders. As such, do not make it more difficult by becoming available whenever they want to talk. Most importantly, never show them that you are uninterested in what they have to say.
Use The Right Words
When it comes to conversing or communicating with your teen, be sure to choose the right or appropriate words. You have to be sensitive enough so that you cannot utter something that may offend him. Therefore, it is best if you would think twice before speaking. If you are not fully informed about the present situation or circumstances, the best thing to do is to keep silent. At the same time, you must also see to it that you will keep a friendly tone in all your communications to ensure that he will not feel threatened by you.
Sean Grover, LCSW, also reminds parents to look at themselves and their actions and take responsibility for the behavior parents are modeling. He said, “Too many parents don’t consider how their choices are actually producing their child’s negative behavior.”
Know His Friends
There are many ways on how you can get to know your son, one of which is meeting his friends. Doing so will allow you to somehow build a connection with your kid as well. “The objective is not to be your teen’s best friend, but to find common interests that you can discuss peacefully. Once you’re talking, your teen may feel more comfortable opening up to you about other topics, ” wrote Lawrence Robinson and Jeanne Segal, PhD.
Hence, make it a top priority to get to know all the people whom he gets to see every single day. Know the names of his classmates, schoolmates, and friends outside of the school campus. If possible, find a way to have a personal encounter with these individuals so that you can assess whether they are of good influence or not. Just avoid sounding condescending so that your teen will not hate you in return.
Keep Everything Private
The moment you discover that your teen has gotten into trouble, the next step that you have to perform is to comfort him. Do not embarrass him in public so that he will not feel rejected. Aside from this, it is crucial to make him realize that you are willing to forgive him no matter what happens. Avoid airing your family’s dirty laundry in public. Avoid the habit of talking about your son’s failures and mistakes in front of your friends. Remember that your words to others can harm your son in so many ways.
Never Give Up
It can be challenging and stressful to maintain a good relationship with a child or teen who does not want to get help. There will be several days when you may feel like giving up, especially when you notice that your efforts are going to waste. However, losing hope about your child’s welfare and future is only going to hurt you and the entire family. Thus, you have to keep going. Find strength from your husband or other children so that it will not be more difficult on your part to offer more patience and understanding to your beloved teen.
As Dona Mathews, PhD, said, “With a little effort, you can almost always find humour instead of aggravation, and share that with your child. Let them feel they have someone on their side who doesn’t take it all too seriously, but at the same time, sees how hard it is and loves them all the same.”
Seek Professional Help
As a parent, it is vital for you to learn how to assess the condition of your teen. Do you think that his attitude has become more erratic lately? Have you experienced a worrying encounter with him? Is it possible that he is suffering from a psychological issue or mental health problem? If you are not sure with the answers, it is ideal to seek professional help. All that must be done is to get in touch with a professional therapist or counselor who can be trusted. Book an appointment ahead of time to avoid inconvenience.
Follow the tips mentioned above and your problem with the troubled teen may be eliminated soon.